I have been able to easily set boundaries with toxic people at work or socially simply by not engaging with them and not being particularly welcoming towards them!! That may sound harsh but I have learnt that sometimes if you are friendly and open towards them they can latch on to you and you become their go-to for when they want to complain or vent.

What has been harder is dealing with family members, and (I don’t know if this in true in the States but it is here in the UK) quite a few twenty-somethings (and even thirty-somethings) are returning to the family home due to job losses or relationship break-ups, which can mean trying to set boundaries with one or two toxic/negative parents. If you’re under the same roof, it can be hard! And parents can have expectations that because you are their children, you should want to be with them no matter what.

What i’ve found effective is doing whatever it takes to get out of the house, learn how to say ‘no’ and stick to it without having to justify yourself, make sure you have a good network of positive friends and connections in other areas of your life. At a more immediate level, something that works for me is doing something whilst they deliver their negative monologue! So for example, i can manage listening to them whilst i’m cooking dinner as most of my attention can go into cooking, or even ‘talk’ (read: ‘listen’) to them whilst cleaning.

Finally, something that can work is thinking of ways to make your time with them as fun as possible (this is more likely to work with friends or family). For example, if you know that if you go to a bar with a moany friend all they will do is moan, go to the cinema with them instead (no talking!). If you have to visit negative family for an afternoon, bring board games or recent photos to divert them from harping on.

And of course there will be cases where you have to cut people loose. It can be hard if they are genuinely a ‘good person’ (haven’t done anything bad to hurt you, they’re just negative moaners). But it’s about respecting your own energy, emotional stability, and life-time! The time you give to putting up with them could be used in better ways.

Petty envy and greed tends to run through daily mindsets, whether one is rank and file, or in management. This collective toxicity, harnessed over a period of time, sets standards for corporate (mis)governance that then results in the kind of damaged economy we are in.

I’m in it, directly, battling said emotions daily. Thanks Ashley for pointing out what you did.

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