HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Do you have emotional vampires in your life? Do you have friends or family that suck your life energy and leave you feeling depleted, depressed, irritable and antsy?

Here are some simple strategies to help minimize or eliminate toxic people from your life:

1. IDENTIFY THE EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES IN YOUR LIFE. Scan your life and notice what friends, family, colleagues, co-workers or romantic partners sap your energy, clog your life and bring you down.

2. TELL TALL SIGNS SOMEONE IS SUCKING YOUR BLOOD:

• you begin feeling tired and depleted
• your eyes are droopy
• your posture starts to collapse (rounded back, hunched shoulders, collapsed middle)
• you notice yourself getting irritable, anxious, antsy
• you feel insecure, unsure of yourself, off-kilter and are not sure why
• you crave carbohydrates, sugary or ‘comfort food’
• you can’t get a word in edge-wise

3.  BASIC SPECIES OF VAMPIRE TO AVOID:

• NARCISSIST: You can’t get a word in edge-wise, everything is about them, even if you tell a story – they spin it back to themselves in relation to their experience, you have been hanging out with this person for hours and they haven’t asked you one question about yourself.

• VICTIM: Negative Nelly. All blame and “woe-is-’me’”. Down on their luck, nothing is their fault (conspiracy theorists, anyone?!?). You wind up feeling depressed and equally negative. Making those around them feel guilty.

• CONTROL FREAK: Always dominating, righteous, thinking they know best and trying to fix your problems, inundating, pushy.

4.  SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES:

• CLEARLY DEFINE A TIME LIMIT FROM THE BEGINNING. If you must be in contact with a vampire (family or co-worker) – immediately state the time limit that you have. i.e. “I’m running into a meeting in 10 minutes, so our conversation has to be brief.” or “I am on a deadline and have to get back to work…is there a quick question I can help you with?”

• 3-4 hr. TIME LIMIT WITH FAMILY. If you’re home for a holiday or on an extended trip with a vampire (alcoholic brother-in-law, pushy mother, critical co-worker) limit yourself to no more than 3-4 hours together.

• USE BODY LANGUAGE. Stand a few feet away from them so you’re not ‘caught up in their space’, cross your arms, wear a hat to seal your energy in, wear shiny objects (jewelry, gem stones, metal) to deflect their energy, lean away from the.

• KNOW YOUR EXIT STRATEGY. Make up an errand you have to run or a phone call you must take (outside!), go to the store, for a run, do a brief meditation, call a friend or therapist for support. Have a friend call you at a certain time to interrupt. Do whatever you need to do to return to center. Return only when your head and energy field is clear and strong.

Share, like, pin, tweet if you like this!

To learn more strategies for EMOTIONAL DETOXING, join my CHAKRA DETOX IMMERSION, JULY 1-6 at Kripalu. Details + sign up here!

 

Love,

Ashley

 

 

Montage Laguna Beach

PRICE: $65 per yoga workshop. Includes full-day access to exclusive Spa Montage.

SIGN UP: Call (949) 715-6010 | Limited to 25 ppl.

*Overnight stay at the Montage is NOT required with yoga workshop, however, special retreat participant room rates are available. Please consult a reservationist. (866) 271-6953

SUMMER SOLSTICE RETREAT: Ignite + Inspire

Summer Solstice marks the height of solar energy — a time to fire up your inner power and passion. Focus on the energies of light and heat to build confidence, purpose and will power.

SATURDAY – 9:00 – 11:00 am
IGNITE: CORE POWER

Ignite and redirect the latent energy that lies dormant in the core. Melt knots (grunthis) through dynamic flow, core work and specific breathing practices.

SUNDAY – 9:00 – 11:00 am
INSPIRE: LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE

Highlight your power and unlock your gifts by identifying inner roadblocks and transforming them into your greatest source of inspiration! Obliterate your saboteur.

All yoga retreat participants receive:

• complimentary full-day access to the exclusive Spa Montage Laguna (Roman tubs, Nordic plunge, botanical steam, indoor/outdoor relaxation rooms, silent fireplace lounge, Tuscan sauna, Vischy showers)
• discount on all spa treatments
• post-class organic green juice blend
• array of seasonal fruits + teas
• oceanfront state-of-the-art cardio and strength training equipment
• access to spectacular Laguna Beach tidepools, winding bluffs and world-class beaches

SIGN UP for yoga workshop, please call Spa Montage: (949) 715-6010

Love is something we are all searching for. Something we try to understand and we try to take control of. To feel true unconditional love for yourself and others creates lightness, simplicity, and softness. The process of understanding our relationship to love begins with ourselves. ‘To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance’ – Oscar Wilde.

The heart is the center of love, and often we spend our lives protecting our heart so much that we hold ourselves back from ever truly feeling love. Until we learn to open our hearts and love ourselves it can be difficult to give and receive love.

Love is not oriented only towards specific objects, but feeling love towards everything we encounter – it is a state of being that is felt within us. We do not need anything from this love but to feel it, receive it, and give it.

When looking at the body at levels of consciousness, love is located at the heart where we begin to find self-love. The fourth chakra or anahata (unstruck) chakra is located at the heart and lungs. A closed off heart and lungs can result in asthma, lung disease, shortness of breath, sunken chest, and high blood pressure. It is through opening and understanding this chakra that we are able to connect our body and mind, to love ourselves, and deepen our relationships.

The hearth is the integrator of the mind and the body and the prana (energy flow within the body) is also the link between the two. The awareness and attention to opening the heart and deepening the breath allows for expansion and union within. The energy and strength of the heart come from its power to integrate and balance the mind and the body through the breath.

The sun is the symbol of the heart chakra, for the sun nurtures all living things on earth. The sun radiates continuously in all directions and does not discriminate in any way. If we can begin to look at our own heart as the sun, and allow it to radiate continuously without discrimination we will begin to fully live and understand love. One of my teachers had once told me, you don’t have to like everyone, but you do have to love everyone. When I first heard this I didn’t really buy it, but as I practiced offering love to everyone and not discriminating I began to better understand what she meant. There is a Buddhist meditation practice that guides you to this connection with love. This type of meditation is called meta bhavana or loving-kindness.

Loving-kindness is love without clinging and a practice of self-psychotherapy. Begin by coming into a comfortable cross-legged position on the floor or seated in a chair with a tall spine and feet flat onto the floor. With your eyes closed you will begin to cultivate feelings of love towards yourself, then towards your loved ones, then towards friends, strangers, and finally enemies. Systematically offer love, friendliness, compassion, joy, and equanimity to yourself and so on. Some ways for your to bring up feelings of loving-kindness are visualization, reflection, or auditory. Visualization allows you to bring up a mental picture of the person, seeing yourself or other person, and smiling or being joyous. Through reflection you think of positive qualities of the person and any acts of kindness they have done. The last approach is auditory, and possibly the easiest, simply repeat and internalize the mantra ‘loving-kindness’ as you move through yourself and the other people in your meditation.

The loving-kindness meditation doesn’t have to be just done at home when you are alone. When you are out on the streets continue to repeat the visualizations, kind reflections, or mantra in order to cultivate the feeling of loving-kindness within. As it grows stronger within you it will emanate out to those around you.

Cultivating loving-kindness can be hard at times, and if you are finding that it’s not working for you I recommend a few other practices below that allow you to open your heart to love.

Practices:
- Self-Care – get a massage, take a hot bath, enjoy an afternoon nap

- Any back bends, shoulder openers and things that will open up the heart area are positive for this chakra. Physically you open the chest to create more space for your breath and emotions.

- Loving Kindness is a meditation practice that many try daily in order to cultivate feelings of love towards themselves and everything around them. Try it everyday for one week and notice any changes or differences in you.

Shanti

Liza Laird

Want to learn more about the chakras? Join Ashley Turner this summer at Kriplau for the Chakra Detox Immersion: A Complete Physical, Mental + Emotional Detox, July 1-6, 2012. A one-of-a-kind multi-media immersion to demystify the chakras.

Why Gossiping + Jealousy Are Your Greatest Teachers

When we have the urge to break someone down…it’s because we have the need to make ourselves feel better.

Take a closer look at what, specifically, is making you feel inadequate or ‘not as good as’. What is this person exhibiting that you wish you had? What qualities are they modeling that you covet?

Gossip most often indicates something that we are jealous or envious of. Jealousy is one of our greatest teachers because it shows us exactly what we desire. We see clearly what we want. Our ego has the tendency to criticize someone else, make an excuse for why they don’t deserve it or highlight what else they are doing wrong – through gossip.

The irony is that anyone you tend to gossip about is actually a teacher for you – exhibiting the habits and actions that you need to cultivate in order to bring this quality or thing into your life.

Here are 6 simple steps to harness the habit of gossiping:

1. NOTICE when your words tend towards the negative.

2. Reel it back in, RETRACT your statement or thought (silently..but better out loud).

3. Identify what specific QUALITY or THING they exhibit that you desire (i.e. how are they seen by the world, that you wish you were…is this woman thin? seemingly in a beautiful relationship? praised for her creativity?)

4. IDENTIFY the specific negative thoughts you harbor towards yourself to hold yourself back from thinking you already are this (i.e. “I’m too thin/fat.” “I’m lazy.” “I’m not ready/creative/athletic/sexy/smart enough to deserve….”)

5. ASK what you need to do to bring more of this quality or thing into your life? What ACTIONS do you need to take to get more of what you want?

6. BOOST the other person up because they are actually modeling for you the qualities you desire and how to get there. Learn from them. Stay humble. Appreciate who they are.

Become impeccable with your words. Notice how someone gossiping about you in the past has hurt you. Use gossiping as a mirror to raise your standard, show you what you really want and how to get there.

Please leave a comment telling us what you’re jealous of, where you get caught in envy and what you tend to gossip about OR how gossiping has hurt you.

I look forward to hearing your comments!

Love,

Ashley

]]> http://ashleyturner.org/stress-relief/gossip-jealousy-your-greatest-teachers/feed/ 3 http://ashleyturner.org/detox/manipura-the-power-center/ http://ashleyturner.org/detox/manipura-the-power-center/#comments Fri, 04 May 2012 18:19:29 +0000 Liza http://ashleyturner.org/?p=5705 In yoga we often talk about the ‘power center’,  the core of our physical, mental, and energetic bodies. This internal strength

or will is what gives us the self-confidence to live to our fullest potential. At times we can let our internal fire dwindle and we need to find a way to ignite our inner power in order to create click to continue....

In yoga we often talk about the ‘power center’,  the core of our physical, mental, and energetic bodies. This internal strength

or will is what gives us the self-confidence to live to our fullest potential. At times we can let our internal fire dwindle and we need to find a way to ignite our inner power in order to create a strong self identity, and a sustainable internal fire that will continue to burn even on the darkest of days.

This power center correlates with our ego, and the third chakra – Manipura. The manipura chakra can manifest in excess as overly aggressive, dominating, and controlling or deficiencies in the third chakra shows up as low energy, weak will, easily manipulated, and low self-esteem. Once we identify the excesses, deficiencies, or balances we can decide if we want to continue with our self-perpetuating tendencies or take action to create positive change in our lives. The purpose of focusing on the manipura chakra is to overcome inertia and help create transformation.

Tapas in sanskrit translates to ‘heat’ or ‘to burn’, and it is a term in yoga which describes the process of inner cleansing. Cleansing of not only the physical but mental impurities that no longer serve us. Tapas is a process of purification. The storing of excess fat, negative or obsessive thoughts, etc are burned away during a practice that focuses on twists and core. This is recommended as a daily practice as we daily need to burn away the impurities that we have piled on over the years.

The purification is not only of what you put into your body, but what you see, what you read, the people you surround yourself with. You can control what you eat, read, and most of what you see. When you begin to eliminate things that deplete you, you create space for those that you love, things that ignite you, your inner strength, and strong self-confidence.

The practice of tapas is not an aggressive act of purification, but a disciplined approach to change. The energy and power generated with the Manipura chakra is dependent on our basic self-confidence and our willingness to change. Our ability to identify and overcome our own patterns of inertia, and transform ourselves to the powerful self-confident self who can direct more attention to those people and things we love, to go after what challenges us, renews us, and ignites us.

In order to overcome inertia we must initiate movement – energy begets energy. Once we get up off our asses we get our muscles oxidizing and our heart pumping and we have more energy. It is not only through movement that we can begin to over come inertia and purify. Another way to purify is to remove ourselves from a situation that depletes us. It could be friends who make us feel smaller, television shows that cloud our judgements, or a certain job we are in, etc. It is by removing ourselves from something we don’t want to be a part of that takes us away from perpetuating situations and habits and then through stillness we purify.

So how can you apply this to your life? How can you make changes that will allow you to have a stronger sense of self, power, and will?

Here are a few effective suggestions that you could try in your life today:
- Go for a run
- Take a Power Yoga class
- Make decisions about your life that involve going for what you want

You will learn to follow your integrity, in your day to day life you will begin to notice it is easier for you to say no – to stick with your truth and values.

Shanti,

Liza Laird

Want to learn more about the chakras? Join Ashley Turner this summer at Kriplau for the Chakra Detox Immersion: A Complete Physical, Mental + Emotional Detox, July 1-6, 2012. A one-of-a-kind multi-media immersion to demystify the chakras.

]]> http://ashleyturner.org/detox/manipura-the-power-center/feed/ 0 http://ashleyturner.org/v-logs/random-acts-of-kindness/ http://ashleyturner.org/v-logs/random-acts-of-kindness/#comments Wed, 02 May 2012 04:13:12 +0000 Ashley Turner http://ashleyturner.org/?p=5795

Last Tuesday, I circled up the ivy covered stairs of my pink stucco office building overlooking the Santa Monica Pier to find a gorgeous spring bouquet of roses, daisies and lillies awaiting me. I was charmed and delighted to find a heartfelt “Thank You” note attached from an anonymous ‘e-volve’reader! Someone following my weekly videos had reached out to click to continue....

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Last Tuesday, I circled up the ivy covered stairs of my pink stucco office building overlooking the Santa Monica Pier to find a gorgeous spring bouquet of roses, daisies and lillies awaiting me. I was charmed and delighted to find a heartfelt “Thank You” note attached from an anonymous ‘e-volve’reader! Someone following my weekly videos had reached out to say how much my work meant to them and touched their lives. Wow.

This was one of the most meaningful gifts that I have ever gotten as a teacher – in large part because it was anonymous and so sincere. I found myself stunned with tears in my eyes. It’s true – The Universe always provides.  Signposts, synchronicities and symbols arrive at precisely the right moment urging us to keep going, validating our path and prodding us onward.

I was just overcoming a particular wave of self-doubt and insecurity when this spring bouquet sweetly floated in to make my day – a not-so-gentle whisper from a fairy godmother saying “Keep going. You’re doing great! I appreciate everything you are.”

As that poignant bumper sticker from the 90′s declares: ”Practice Random Acts of Kindness + Senseless Acts of Beauty” …well, this was both. Deepest gratitude to the anonymous e-volve reader, whoever you are…I sure hope you’re watching this week! THANK YOU!!!

The simplicity and power of this gesture struck me. It got me thinking how much a relatively small action meant. How can I make such a sweet offering to those I appreciate and be so much more generous?

We often don’t realize how much our actions affect others. We may notice when we receive a compliment that keeps us going or a sign to keep trudging forward. But, what may not be quite as obvious is how often we, ourselves, may be that very catalyst Your compliment to a yoga teacher after class or  the checkout guy at the Apple store, a $5 bill to the person on the corner, an anonymous comment on a blog, a generous facebook “Share”, “Tweet” or “Pin” may be the very thing that makes someone’s day or changes the trajectory of their week – even giving them enough confidence to stay on their chosen career path or take bigger risks because they know they have support.

Every single day this week – practice a random act of kindness – the more anonymous the better. Watch how it fills your heart up as much as the receiver. Every encounter, situation, conversation – ask yourself what you can add to uplevel and enrich everyone’s experience.

This weekend, I taught sold-out workshops at Moksha Yoga in Chicago. I still get a little nervous before bigger workshops and festivals. Every single class, a hip, hot and holy student named Stacy (with the coolest earrings I’ve seen) sat front and center (photo at right) – prompt and ready to go earlier than anyone else. Present and grounded, she eagerly awaited my words with a huge smile on her face, glowing skin and shining eyes. Her presence immediately put me at ease and radiated through the whole room. My body relaxed – knowing she was whole-heartedly on my team. She had my back.  Her participation, questions and transparent sharing encouraged others to open up as she broke the ice with her courage and brought us all down to the same level.

I often find students (including myself) somewhat jaded and wondering “What does this person have to teach me? What am I going to get out of this class/workshop/blog? What is the ‘Take-Away’?”

Flip the channel. Ask:

• What can I give to this encounter? 
• What can I contribute to make this better for everyone? 
• What kind of energy am I contributing to the class/meeting/blog? 
• Am I open, available, present, attentive, positive and supportive?
• How could I be more generous?

Practice a random act of kindness everyday. Be generous. Surprise and delight someone.

Guarantee: Kindness and generosity comes back to you ten-fold.

Please leave a comment below with exactly what RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS have shown up in your life! Share this, LIKE it, PIN it, TWEET it if you are inspired.

Love,

Ashley

For more on how to LIVE YOUR TRUTH + LOVE YOUR LIFE – please join me for my exclusive 3 month coaching course (May – July) with Terri Cole. Details here.

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Montage Laguna Beach

PRICE: $65 per yoga workshop. Includes full-day access to exclusive Spa Montage.

SIGN UP: Call (949) 715-6010 | Limited to 25 ppl.

*Overnight stay at the Montage is NOT required with yoga workshop, however, special retreat participant room rates are available. Please consult a reservationist. (866) 271-6953

SPRING RETREAT: LIVE YOUR PASSION + PURPOSE 

In our efforts to “have it all” we often feel we are “never enough.” Reclaim balance between work, family and inner life with the best of ancient and modern tools.

SATURDAY 9:00 – 11:00 am
WOMEN, POWER + PURPOSE

A candid discussion of what it means to be a wise woman in a modern world and how to let go of our perfectionism. Identify specific ways you hide your power and tools to build confidence. Strong standing poses, abdominal work and specific sequencing to activate our core power, confidence + clarity.

SUNDAY 9:00 – 11:00 am
REUNITE HEAD, HEART + BODY

Profound, mellow flow yoga and powerful meditation techniques to heal body image, insecurity and unify head, heart and unconditional love for our wise bodies. Build your intuition. Learn practical tools to use daily to align with your deepest passion and purpose.

All yoga retreat participants receive:

• complimentary full-day access to the exclusive Spa Montage Laguna (Roman tubs, Nordic plunge, botanical steam, indoor/outdoor relaxation rooms, silent fireplace lounge, Tuscan sauna, Vischy showers)
• discount on all spa treatments
• post-class organic green juice blend
• array of seasonal fruits + teas
• oceanfront state-of-the-art cardio and strength training equipment
• access to spectacular Laguna Beach tidepools, winding bluffs and world-class beaches

SIGN UP for yoga workshop, please call Spa Montage: (949) 715-6010

Svadhistana Chakra:
Hello Sweetness: go with the flow

Svadhisthana or sweetness is our second chakra and is the energetic emotional hub of our bodies. The core of this chakra is located at the lower abdomen, low back, and reproductive organs. The chakras desire is for sensate pleasure. Sensory gratification often is found in seeking excessive eating, sexual activities, and use of drugs. However, if you are to deprive yourself of pleasure it only gives it an increased power and significance. That opposite end of the spectrum ends up in a deficiency and it is someone who allows no pleasure at all.

The element of this chakra is water and it invokes a sense of fluidity with life. When svadhisthana is balanced there is grace, acceptance, and compassion towards yourself and others. Ultimately it is the ability to go with the flow.

Going with the flow is easier said than done sometimes. Being able to shift and adapt can be an art. In coaching we call it dancing in the moment, in yoga it’s being present, in Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy it’s what’s happening now, and some may even think of it as flying by the seat of your pants. It’s something we can all learn.

One way that I have approached balancing my second chakra is looking at my menstrual cycle in a new way. In the past I avoided my cycle, and tried to pretend like it wasn’t happening. I would be in pain, quite moody, and wasn’t feeling my best but I would push myself and still act as if my body wasn’t telling me to slow down. My reaction had been to resist reality and deny what was happening.

What I learned from this chakra is that my cycle is a time of rest, a few days a month where I can and need to slow down. My shift in perspective has allowed me to honor my body and give myself the quiet supportive time it needs. I am not embarrassed any longer by my cycle and I do not try to hide it. The days where I practice just a few restorative postures rejuvenate me for the rest of the month.

By learning to go with the flow of my body on those days I am less rigid. I no longer judge myself for not having the energy to do as much as I normally can and for not being able to do the inversions that I so love. At the same time I acknowledge my exaggerated emotions and let them be released instead of fighting to keep them in. The second chakra is balanced when we can freely express our emotions.

There is a sweetness that comes when you let yourself go with the ebb and flow of life rather than being static or resistant. Here are a few real life practices that can balance the second chakra:

-    Get a massage
-    Take a bubble bath
-    Go for a swim
-    Gentle yoga or mindful vinyasa

Shanti,

Liza Laird

Want to learn more about the chakras? Join Ashley this summer at Kriplau for the Chakra Detox Immersion: A Complete Physical, Mental + Emotional Detox, July 1-6, 2012. A one-of-a-kind multi-media immersion to demystify the chakras.

THE HABIT OF HAPPINESS: SANTOSHA

What I find living in NYC is I don’t spend enough time in nature, which is no surprise since there is more concrete than grass here. I am outside constantly, but not in green leafy nature. Taking the time to sit in the park has a strong grounding affect on me.

The muladhara (root support) chakra is our first chakra and the most primitive mode of consciousness. When balanced we feel grounded, rooted, and secure. It is all about survival and if it is off balance in an excessive way then you can see this show up as being overweight and hording. The excessiveness in this chakra can come from traumatic experience. When someone is depleted in this chakra we can see it showing up as anorexia.

In life things are always changing. So, if we don’t have a strong connection to our roots, to our sense of security, it can be difficult for us to function in a balanced manner.

I find when I am not feeling secure I try to ground myself by filling my belly with heavy comfort foods. That is the quick and easy fix, but it is not the right thing to do. When I take time out to be with nature to connect my feet with the earth I begin to really feel that sense of security and grounding.

The root chakra can also find balance by practicing yoga postures like Tadasana (mountain pose), Virabhadrasana (warrior 2), and other standing postures that root you into the earth.

If mantras and chanting are your thing chanting the bija sound of the first chakra can support you. Each chakra has a bija associated with it, for the root chakra it is LAM. Go outside and sit on a park bench or in the grass. Find a steady seat and chant LAM to yourself or out loud 108 times. (If that seems to daunting start with 3 in a row and go from there).

Shanti,

Liza Laird

Want to learn more about the chakras? Join Ashley Turner this summer at Kriplau for the Chakra Detox Immersion: A Complete Physical, Mental + Emotional Detox, July 1-6, 2012. A one-of-a-kind multi-media immersion to demystify the chakras.