Gossip + Jealousy = Your Greatest Teachers

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Why Gossiping + Jealousy Are Your Greatest Teachers

When we have the urge to break someone down…it’s because we have the need to make ourselves feel better.

Take a closer look at what, specifically, is making you feel inadequate or ‘not as good as’. What is this person exhibiting that you wish you had? What qualities are they modeling that you covet?

Gossip most often indicates something that we are jealous or envious of. Jealousy is one of our greatest teachers because it shows us exactly what we desire. We see clearly what we want. Our ego has the tendency to criticize someone else, make an excuse for why they don’t deserve it or highlight what else they are doing wrong – through gossip.

The irony is that anyone you tend to gossip about is actually a teacher for you – exhibiting the habits and actions that you need to cultivate in order to bring this quality or thing into your life.

Here are 6 simple steps to harness the habit of gossiping:

1. NOTICE when your words tend towards the negative.

2. Reel it back in, RETRACT your statement or thought (silently..but better out loud).

3. Identify what specific QUALITY or THING they exhibit that you desire (i.e. how are they seen by the world, that you wish you were…is this woman thin? seemingly in a beautiful relationship? praised for her creativity?)

4. IDENTIFY the specific negative thoughts you harbor towards yourself to hold yourself back from thinking you already are this (i.e. “I’m too thin/fat.” “I’m lazy.” “I’m not ready/creative/athletic/sexy/smart enough to deserve….”)

5. ASK what you need to do to bring more of this quality or thing into your life? What ACTIONS do you need to take to get more of what you want?

6. BOOST the other person up because they are actually modeling for you the qualities you desire and how to get there. Learn from them. Stay humble. Appreciate who they are.

Become impeccable with your words. Notice how someone gossiping about you in the past has hurt you. Use gossiping as a mirror to raise your standard, show you what you really want and how to get there.

Please leave a comment telling us what you’re jealous of, where you get caught in envy and what you tend to gossip about OR how gossiping has hurt you.

I look forward to hearing your comments!



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4 Responses to “Gossip + Jealousy = Your Greatest Teachers”

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  2. Elizabeth says:

    I notice jealousy/envy in myself most often when friends are able to silence their inner critic enough to put something creative into the world. I know that expressing creativity is something I’d like to be able to do more of myself, so I try to focus on my feelings of happiness for the other person’s success, rather than letting my perceived shortcomings make me envious (although sometimes that knee-jerk reaction is hard to stop). As you’ve taught us Ashley, comparison is the thief of joy.

  3. Payam says:

    Most corporate workplaces are middle schools, thrice removed. To paraphrase comedian Martin Mull, the workplace is “high school, but with money…”

    Petty envy and greed tends to run through daily mindsets, whether one is rank and file, or in management. This collective toxicity, harnessed over a period of time, sets standards for corporate (mis)governance that then results in the kind of damaged economy we are in.

    I’m in it, directly, battling said emotions daily. Thanks Ashley for pointing out what you did.

  4. Marissa says:

    Ashley, I so appreciate your weekly wisdom . . .especially these opportunities to search for truth in life’s many varied experiences! Thank you, and good wishes.