I’ve noticed in the last couple years, with myself (especially) and my clients – a heightened perfectionism due to all the visibility and exposure we have with Facebook and Twitter. We all naturally want to put our best foot forward and present ourselves in the best light. However, by only showing or commenting on our most glowing moments – we play into what my coach, Mona Miller, calls the “High Ego”.
When we live in the “High Ego”, we incessantly compare and contrast ourselves to other people – people we look up to or idealize, people we want to impress from our past (ex-boyfriends/girlfriends) or anyone we measure ourselves against externally and want to feel ‘better than’. This momentarily boosts an inflated version of ourselves…but the High Ego is just the flip side of the “Low Ego” – the place where we are afraid we may not be ‘as good / successful/ happy… as’.
By constantly editing (instant ‘untag’, anyone?) and embellishing, we only permit this idealized version of ourselves to rise to the surface, be seen and accepted. What we actually end up feeding is our fear that we aren’t good enough, exactly as we are (all the good, the bad and the ugly). We deny, minimize and try to gloss over the more wrinkle-y, annoyed, sad, blah, mundane self (a.k.a. The Shadow).
I challenge all of us, this week, to “Keep It Real” on our social media. If you don’t have a profile on a social media outlet, then, in your life, with your friends, co-workers – be a little more transparent. Post, share or say something that’s a little more vulnerable, authentic… a question you’re struggling with, a mistake you’ve made or ask for help with something.
Let a picture live online that’s not your absolute favorite (yes, I said it!) and just see how this feels to give yourself permission to live your full humanity – all of your weakness, vulnerability and confusion, as well as all of the magic and beauty that we each carry.
Here’s to sharing your shadow!
Please share a comment, question or link to your facebook or twitter showing us how you keep it real.
Love,
Ashley
@jennah our beauty comes from the light inside and the more we support that in others and in ourselves the more we raise the bar for everyone to be authentic, real and give ourselves permission to be just as we are – in all our beauty + perfection. THANK YOU for sharing and your picture is radiant! JOY!
…It’s 1-1/2 months after your 1st vlog (congrats!), but I just found you via Terri Cole. I posted on my Facebook profile a new picture (http://facebook.com/jennah.ferrer.foronda) last Saturday & my Ego-mind nags me that my face is not as thin as it has been in the past & other self-critical/destructive thoughts – I posted it anyways, because the ‘light’ & the Joy of holding my son on my lap & being in the moment (a beautiful one!) is what shines through. Love the vulnerability & growth of ‘sharing my shadow’. Thank you for a vlog post that honors what’s real, vs. fear, Ashley!
I am a minimalist in real life. I clean up house, get rid of clutter, throw out notes that are unsentimental, pictures that are unflattering. I walk away from friends who drag me down. So, what would make it “unreal” to do these things on facebook? I own the insecure shadow side of me who might think that people will leave her if they find out that she is not perfect. The shadow side of me that is a ruthless perfectionist. I own her, too.
What you say is so true, as we tend to do this in our daily life, it is heightened in social media as we can more easily censor and perfect the image of ourselves that we allow out there. I love this challenge! Thank you Ashley!
Great Vlog and timely topic. I am appreciate you calling us all forward into our realness. xoxo
Ladies i agree. To Transparency!
LOVE u
e
Nice one Ashley,
I love the phrase “sharing your shadow”.
peace & love
M
Awesome and timely topic girl. Its true, facebook and the like have become these digital persona machines, and I have totally caught myself, on a number of occasions lured into the illusion. Well said, as always. Digital shadow here i come! <3
Thank you so much, girl! Just something I’ve been observing in my own way.
Yes…social media ROCKS to inspire us to “Pump Up Our Volume” ; ) – as long as we’re also mindful of how our perfectionism and comparing mind (High Ego) might be getting triggered.
Thank you for your continued inspiration + BRIGHT LIGHT! xox a
This is really a VERY insightful Vlog, Ash!
Really insightful. I never thought of how social media has on the one hand helped people to put forth their best (which rocks!), but on the other hand it can be perilous when a kind of perfectionism, comparison energy, or simply a lack of authenticity can show up because of that pressure. Super well spoken. Congrats on your first Vlog! xoxox A