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Because People Still Hear What You’re NOT Saying: 5 Steps to Stop Sugarcoating & Speak Your Truth
photo: Brakethrough Media
The truth shall set you free! Clean + simple. Nothing else liberates us, frees up stuck energy, lightens our load as much as taking an honest look at what’s happening, seeing things clearly and speaking the truth with ease and grace.
Here are 5 simple steps to help you start living and telling the truth.
1. NOTICE in what circumstances or around whom you tend to withhold your Truth or sugarcoat.
Where do you find yourself ‘talking in circles’ or never getting to the ‘heart of the matter’?
Often this happens with colleagues, or other people in our career that we may feel intimidated by or we feel that they have ‘power over us’.
Begin to notice who triggers you to keep quiet or hesitate. Do they remind you of a critical teacher or parent? A dominating sibling? The girl in your grade school who always knew the right answer before you? Or are you trying to protect a lover, co-worker or spouse by not clearly stating your needs, concerns or offering relevant constructive criticism?
Awareness is everything. Just noticing where we shut ourselves down (or up) is the start of changing the pattern.
2. Give yourself permission to TAKE YOUR TIME to build up your courage + get clear.
Speaking truth is a muscle we build. Sometimes, we need a little extra nudge or the ‘inner cheerleader’ to encourage us to fully express ourselves. Instead of beating yourself up for not saying what you really wanted to on that phone call, congratulate yourself for noticing the habit of avoidance or sugarcoating. Then, make a vow to call the person back or set an appropriate time to revisit the conversation.
Sometimes, it takes awhile to develop the clarity of what we really want to say and how. It may be necessary to remove ourselves from the emotion of the moment and pause to drop into your center, or Core Self, and feel what is underneath the surface and needs to be said.
3. TRUST that “The Truth Shall Set You Free”.
Yes, this is a nearly universal tenant in the world’s ancient wisdom traditions (the Bible, the Yoga Sutras).
In yoga, Satya, or Truth, is the second (only after non-violence) of ten lifestyle foundations (yamas and niyamas) that naturally set us up for freedom and happiness.
Unequivocally, when we live a life based in truth (actions and words), we are happier. It may be the road less traveled, and seem a little more arduous at times, but all those little ways we lie to ourselves and each other clog and sap our energy and unconsciously hold us back from what we really want. We end up wasting a lot of time when we drag our feet and stall instead of facing the music. Often we end up depressed or negative and aren’t sure why – but our energy is actually turning in on itself and on some level we feel this self-abaondonment and mistrust.
Truth cuts through illusion. When we speak truth, we are wielding a sword. It slices the fog of illusion and sugarcoating. This will liberate every single relationship you have and not only set you free, but every other person in the circumstance or moment, as well.
4. Have NO ATTACHMENT to how or if your Truth is received. (more on this next week in ‘Hearing the Truth’)
Your Truth is subjective. It may not be anyone else’s truth or they may very well have their own version of it. However, your Truth is valid! It deserves to be spoken. It deserves to be heard. We can’t control someone else’s perception, but we can give our truth a voice.
Before you begin to speak, take a moment to drop in + let go:
– Feel into your center.
– Take a couple deep breaths.
– Get grounded and dissolve your attachment to any outcome.
– Release your attachment to it being heard or validated in any way from the outside.
– Know that your speaking truth and standing up for your inner voice is enough.
5. Practice this affirmation: “My voice is necessary. What I have to say is valuable.”
Many of us did not have role models who demonstrated healthy communication. Perhaps, you had a sibling who was always dominating the conversation and you could never get a word in edgewise. Or you were one in a long line of siblings and home was chaotic, loud and overwhelming. Maybe, your mother always deferred to your father and never voiced her true opinions and feelings. Or maybe your family was living a pack of lies to cover up alcoholism, sexual abuse or family secrets. These patterns are deeply ingrained and it’s necessary to lay down new tracks in the unconscious mind.
Practice this mantra every time you feel yourself hesitating to speak your honest opinion and state your needs:
“My voice is necessary. What I have to say is valuable.”
Give yourself permission to be heard. Your truth is just as valuable as everyone else’s!
Stay tuned next week for “HEARING THE TRUTH” – Part II.
Enjoy + please leave a comment. Speak your truth — not just out loud, but in the written word, too.
Love,
Ashley
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Thank you, Ashley! I am able to easily speak my truth with friends, family and co-workers but not with my boyfriend of many years, for whatever reason. It makes me feel weak that I have trouble with this in this one area of my life. I’m slowly starting to ask for what I want and need and it is freeing.
Thank you for this, Ashley. Every point you made resonated with me. For myself I know it is difficult to open up and speak my truth in general. I’ve noticed this even in a positive relationship that may sadly end for good soon. Although our last conversation was the most candid we ever had together as I started to open myself up more, I feel better knowing that that was just a warm up. When I return a book I borrowed from him in the next couple of days I am not afraid of telling him what I really wanted to say before. Of course I hope that what I say to him will convince him to continue on this journey with me but it doesn’t matter one way or another because I will have spoken my truth.
Dear Ashley,
Speaking my truth to myself is an opening that is allowing energy to speak it out loud compassionately. This is helping to experience lightness of Being.
Love,
Paashi
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Thank you so much for this Ashley, exactly what I needed to read right now. Whilst i find it easy to speak my truth through writing, it can be super hard to be honest and vulnerable face to face. Your point 5 about family background is true for me, and as Ton wrote it is definately blocking up energy. Are there any other practices or tools that are helpful for this along with affirmations?
Thank you!
x sarah
@ton…yes, we do end up blocking a lot of energy that we could free up to use creatively and could power so many other projects and passions in our life. Thank you for your insight! I know it seems like it’s more work sometimes, but in the end we feel lighter + freer.
The truth shall set you free. I have been working on this for some time. I have learned that it’s not just what I say, but how I say it. When I am able to speak my truth, in peace of mind, without angst or emotion, making jabs, or venting, then the lasting effects of my truth are insurmountable and long lasting.
I give myself permission to not have to respond immediately, and this is very freeing, and so very necessary. I also limit the emotional roller coaster ride in my spirit.
Thanks for the video! I’ll be checking in next week = )
A beautiful expression of simple and necessary life wisdom. Speaking my truth remains the greatest gift I can give, and hence the most difficult to embody. The steps you provide function as a wonderful guide.
Thank you so much for sharing your truth…
What you say is so truth and simple. It makes live easier then blocking the energy every day what makes us tired of it. The energy that comes free I can use to make me and the people around happier and enjoy my time.
have a nice day week month year and life and eternity,
ton